The Discerning Texan
All that is necessary for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing.
-- Edmund Burke
-- Edmund Burke
Saturday, December 31, 2005
To Speak or not to Speak: A New Year's Resolution to be true to your inner Neocon
Even for we center-right patriots who live in Red States, many if not all of us have friends who are rabid Democrats, and who have become more rabid and even more viscious in their raging against the Republicans since 2000. As the fine line between friendship and two belief systems with vastly different roots, levels of discourse, and (most importantly) outcomes blurs the line of what should and should not be discussed in the company of one's ideological polar opposites, it is easy to see why people like "Bookworm" (a pseudonym to preserve her annonymity)--who live in a virtual sea of Blue State rage, venom, and hate, and who thus have a justified fear of coming out and revealing their true feelings about their country, their President, and their core values--are so reluctant to speak out. Her essay should be read in its entireity before proceeding on.
Portions of that essay are included below in Neo-Neocon's superb response to Bookworm's "confessions". I am reprinting this response in its entireity because I so relate to it (although I live in a Red State, many of my close freiends are Blue...), and because I believe many of us all have similar circumstances with people we genuinely like. I have always considered their emotionally-based ideology to be their shortcoming, rather than mine--but reading this post I could not help but relate to many of the things Neo-Neocon said, especially concerning the fact that some of my friendships have been noticably changed somehow--in most cases through no fault of my own, save revealing that I heartily and robustly support this President and the Republican party. This knowledge about me has changed something in some of my friends, in subtle yet clearly discernable ways. And now whenever I get together with some of these friends, it is often what is not said--what is avoided--that speaks the loudest. And this really is a sad thing.
Anyway, read Bookworm's post first (all of it--linked above), and then read Neo-Neocon's response below. But then, I highly, HIGHLY recommend visiting Neocon's site here and reading the comments to his post, which includes a response from "Bookworm" herself. And as you will see in almost all of the many comments, she (and he...and I) are far from alone (h/t The American Thinker):
To speak or not to speak: coming out as a neocon
This essay, which appeared at the American Thinker, is by blogger and sometime visitor Bookworm, of Bookwormroom.
It's entitled, "Confession of a Crypto-Conservative Woman," and it's on a topic dear to my heart: being a closet neocon (a neo-neocon, at that) in a true blue town.
Bookworm writes:
I was at a party last year when a woman I know suddenly burst out, “I hate Bush. He’s evil. I wish he’d just drop dead” – and everyone around her verbally applauded that statement.
At a lunch with some very dear friends, the subject of the Iraq war came up and one of my friends, a brilliant, well-read, well-educated man, in arguing against the War, announced as his clinching argument the “fact” that “Bush is an idiot.”... This is me: I grew up in this same liberal environment and was a life-long Democrat. ...
And then things changed: Although I realize that my journey to the right began before 9/11, there is no doubt that 9/11 was my moment to cross the Rubicon...I suddenly had to confront the fact that I was a neocon living in one of the bluest of Blue corners in America.
How did I react to my change? With silence. You see, having lived a lifetime on the Left myself, I instantly realized that my new outlook would not be greeted as an intellectual curiosity, to be questioned politely and challenged through reasoned argument.
Instead, I would be deemed to have gone to the dark side. After all, if Bush is evil, his followers must be evil too. ...I also knew from my years on the Left that the debate wouldn’t revolve around facts and the conclusions to be drawn from those facts...it’s the futility of argument and the personal animus behind political argument in Liberal communities that results in something I call closet- or crypto-conservatism. I further believe that this is a syndrome especially prevalent amongst women...
In a woman’s world, you don’t earn any social points for staking out an extreme position and defending it against all comers. Men might garner respect for doing so, and experience the exhilaration of battle along the way; women are more likely find themselves on the receiving end of some serious social isolation, and to find the road to this isolation stressful and frightening.
Did I mention how nice my community is? And how child oriented? I enjoy being well-integrated into this community, as do my children, and neither the kids nor I would function well in light of the inevitable social repercussions that would occur if I were to admit that, well, I kinda, sorta, well, yeah, I voted for “that man – that evil man.” ...
I’ve also managed to confirm through talking to a few other conservative women I know who also live in liberal communities that they too keep their mouths shut about their politics...The question I struggle with is whether I ought to elevate my political principles over my day-to-day needs. Currently, I don’t believe there is any benefit, large or small, moral or practical, to such a step...
I've quoted liberally (pun intended) from Bookworm's essay because I want to convey the full flavor of the dilemma she faces. It's one I understand only too well, and one with which I sympathize. I've written about it before, here (note, especially, the comments section). I know the ostracism of which she speaks, and I know how important social connection are, and what it's like to be looked at by supposed friends whose eyes are forever changed and distanced.
But, despite all that empathy for Bookworm, I have to say that I part company with her conclusion. Oh, it's not that I speak up all the time (if you look at that post of mine I previously linked to, you'll see that in fact I don't). I weigh each situation to decide whether it seems like a good idea or whether it seems like an exceptionally futile exercise, and try to act accordingly.
At social gatherings where I'm among strangers, people I'm not likely to meet again, I often don't bother. But with anyone who is a friend--close, or even not-so-close--sooner or later I feel the need to "come out" and declare myself.
Why? After all, I'm not that keen on combat, or on spinning my wheels in useless arguments. I like to have my friends and keep them, too; I'm not interested in attaining pariah status for the sake of being able to pat myself on the back for bravery.
But over the past couple of years I've spoken out to virtually every friend I have, and gotten quite a variety of responses. A few have stopped speaking to me, and that makes me both sad and angry. Many look at me ever after with "that look" in their eyes--at least, I perceive that look, and I don't think I'm imagining things. It appears that my relationship with them has changed in some subtle way, and not for the better; they now see me as strange and somehow not quite trustworthy or kindly.
Some tease me, as though they can't quite believe it's true and are trying to test things out in a light way. A few had extremely angry and rejecting outbursts at first, but then got over it--outwardly, at least. A couple of people have decided never to speak politics to me again, in order to preserve our friendship. Still others, to my delight, can have lucid and calm discussions with me on the topic.There are really two reasons I've decided to speak out to friends. The first is personal--and perhaps self-indulgent, in a way. I'll call it, for want of a better name, integrity. Or perhaps that old liberal notion: authenticity. Or maybe honesty.
Call it what you will. The idea is that I can't keep as a deep dark secret something so important and basic to my way of thinking from people I consider my friends. Painful though it may be, if the friendship can't handle it, I'm willing to kiss the friendship goodbye. Because what sort of a friendship is it, if it's based on something so very fragile?
The second reason I tell friends is actually more important, because it's not about me. It's this: if I don't speak up, and if people like me (and Bookworm, and her other crypto-con friends) don't speak up and "out" ourselves, then it simply perpetuates the myths of those who consider The Other Side to be monstrous.
Yes, some will consider you an awful person if you tell the truth about your current beliefs. But your speaking up may make others wonder about their preconceptions. If Republicans and neocons and even liberal hawks are considered the absolute Other, they can continue to be demonized and typecast. If it's you, on the other hand, who's the neocon--and not some stranger--you, that nice mother down the street who bakes the brownies; you, the one with the jokes and the helping hand; you, who's always been so smart and so kind--then how can all of Bush's supporters be cruel and stupid?
It's easy to move through life in a liberal bubble if everyone around who disagrees is silent and invisible. The only way to change that is to challenge it by standing up, speaking out, and bursting the bubble. It's very difficult; but you may find, as I did, that most of your worthwhile relationships survive the blow, although many are never quite the same again.
Again, be sure and read the comments.
Perhaps, in the interest of those who will come after us, we should all look for ways to help others to find their inner Neocon--not by hitting them over the head with a 2x4, but by using appropropriately timed, reasonable, logical comments and conclusions about the events of the day. This is enormously difficult for me to do without getting really passionate about it--but as a trained mediator, I do believe it is worth the effort if we are to unite as a country and overcome those who would either murder us (or cause our murder by their blind, ideologically vacant, neglect). It is especially worth it to try and enlighten those who by their misunderstanding of reality would unwittingly enable those who would destroy this dream and way of life that is the United States of America. They are our friends. Friendship is important to us. But if we are all dead in some bio or nuclear attack, those friendships won't matter. Or if the world goes into worldwide depression if one of our cities goes up and the markets crash. This is the goal of our enemies--and it is something we must not let those we care about forget. (See my recent link here to Victor Davis Hanson's essay about Americans being spoiled by our success thus far.)
Happy New Year -- both to those who see the light, and to those who hopefully will see it soon--before it is too late.
Portions of that essay are included below in Neo-Neocon's superb response to Bookworm's "confessions". I am reprinting this response in its entireity because I so relate to it (although I live in a Red State, many of my close freiends are Blue...), and because I believe many of us all have similar circumstances with people we genuinely like. I have always considered their emotionally-based ideology to be their shortcoming, rather than mine--but reading this post I could not help but relate to many of the things Neo-Neocon said, especially concerning the fact that some of my friendships have been noticably changed somehow--in most cases through no fault of my own, save revealing that I heartily and robustly support this President and the Republican party. This knowledge about me has changed something in some of my friends, in subtle yet clearly discernable ways. And now whenever I get together with some of these friends, it is often what is not said--what is avoided--that speaks the loudest. And this really is a sad thing.
Anyway, read Bookworm's post first (all of it--linked above), and then read Neo-Neocon's response below. But then, I highly, HIGHLY recommend visiting Neocon's site here and reading the comments to his post, which includes a response from "Bookworm" herself. And as you will see in almost all of the many comments, she (and he...and I) are far from alone (h/t The American Thinker):
To speak or not to speak: coming out as a neocon
This essay, which appeared at the American Thinker, is by blogger and sometime visitor Bookworm, of Bookwormroom.
It's entitled, "Confession of a Crypto-Conservative Woman," and it's on a topic dear to my heart: being a closet neocon (a neo-neocon, at that) in a true blue town.
Bookworm writes:
I was at a party last year when a woman I know suddenly burst out, “I hate Bush. He’s evil. I wish he’d just drop dead” – and everyone around her verbally applauded that statement.
At a lunch with some very dear friends, the subject of the Iraq war came up and one of my friends, a brilliant, well-read, well-educated man, in arguing against the War, announced as his clinching argument the “fact” that “Bush is an idiot.”... This is me: I grew up in this same liberal environment and was a life-long Democrat. ...
And then things changed: Although I realize that my journey to the right began before 9/11, there is no doubt that 9/11 was my moment to cross the Rubicon...I suddenly had to confront the fact that I was a neocon living in one of the bluest of Blue corners in America.
How did I react to my change? With silence. You see, having lived a lifetime on the Left myself, I instantly realized that my new outlook would not be greeted as an intellectual curiosity, to be questioned politely and challenged through reasoned argument.
Instead, I would be deemed to have gone to the dark side. After all, if Bush is evil, his followers must be evil too. ...I also knew from my years on the Left that the debate wouldn’t revolve around facts and the conclusions to be drawn from those facts...it’s the futility of argument and the personal animus behind political argument in Liberal communities that results in something I call closet- or crypto-conservatism. I further believe that this is a syndrome especially prevalent amongst women...
In a woman’s world, you don’t earn any social points for staking out an extreme position and defending it against all comers. Men might garner respect for doing so, and experience the exhilaration of battle along the way; women are more likely find themselves on the receiving end of some serious social isolation, and to find the road to this isolation stressful and frightening.
Did I mention how nice my community is? And how child oriented? I enjoy being well-integrated into this community, as do my children, and neither the kids nor I would function well in light of the inevitable social repercussions that would occur if I were to admit that, well, I kinda, sorta, well, yeah, I voted for “that man – that evil man.” ...
I’ve also managed to confirm through talking to a few other conservative women I know who also live in liberal communities that they too keep their mouths shut about their politics...The question I struggle with is whether I ought to elevate my political principles over my day-to-day needs. Currently, I don’t believe there is any benefit, large or small, moral or practical, to such a step...
I've quoted liberally (pun intended) from Bookworm's essay because I want to convey the full flavor of the dilemma she faces. It's one I understand only too well, and one with which I sympathize. I've written about it before, here (note, especially, the comments section). I know the ostracism of which she speaks, and I know how important social connection are, and what it's like to be looked at by supposed friends whose eyes are forever changed and distanced.
But, despite all that empathy for Bookworm, I have to say that I part company with her conclusion. Oh, it's not that I speak up all the time (if you look at that post of mine I previously linked to, you'll see that in fact I don't). I weigh each situation to decide whether it seems like a good idea or whether it seems like an exceptionally futile exercise, and try to act accordingly.
At social gatherings where I'm among strangers, people I'm not likely to meet again, I often don't bother. But with anyone who is a friend--close, or even not-so-close--sooner or later I feel the need to "come out" and declare myself.
Why? After all, I'm not that keen on combat, or on spinning my wheels in useless arguments. I like to have my friends and keep them, too; I'm not interested in attaining pariah status for the sake of being able to pat myself on the back for bravery.
But over the past couple of years I've spoken out to virtually every friend I have, and gotten quite a variety of responses. A few have stopped speaking to me, and that makes me both sad and angry. Many look at me ever after with "that look" in their eyes--at least, I perceive that look, and I don't think I'm imagining things. It appears that my relationship with them has changed in some subtle way, and not for the better; they now see me as strange and somehow not quite trustworthy or kindly.
Some tease me, as though they can't quite believe it's true and are trying to test things out in a light way. A few had extremely angry and rejecting outbursts at first, but then got over it--outwardly, at least. A couple of people have decided never to speak politics to me again, in order to preserve our friendship. Still others, to my delight, can have lucid and calm discussions with me on the topic.There are really two reasons I've decided to speak out to friends. The first is personal--and perhaps self-indulgent, in a way. I'll call it, for want of a better name, integrity. Or perhaps that old liberal notion: authenticity. Or maybe honesty.
Call it what you will. The idea is that I can't keep as a deep dark secret something so important and basic to my way of thinking from people I consider my friends. Painful though it may be, if the friendship can't handle it, I'm willing to kiss the friendship goodbye. Because what sort of a friendship is it, if it's based on something so very fragile?
The second reason I tell friends is actually more important, because it's not about me. It's this: if I don't speak up, and if people like me (and Bookworm, and her other crypto-con friends) don't speak up and "out" ourselves, then it simply perpetuates the myths of those who consider The Other Side to be monstrous.
Yes, some will consider you an awful person if you tell the truth about your current beliefs. But your speaking up may make others wonder about their preconceptions. If Republicans and neocons and even liberal hawks are considered the absolute Other, they can continue to be demonized and typecast. If it's you, on the other hand, who's the neocon--and not some stranger--you, that nice mother down the street who bakes the brownies; you, the one with the jokes and the helping hand; you, who's always been so smart and so kind--then how can all of Bush's supporters be cruel and stupid?
It's easy to move through life in a liberal bubble if everyone around who disagrees is silent and invisible. The only way to change that is to challenge it by standing up, speaking out, and bursting the bubble. It's very difficult; but you may find, as I did, that most of your worthwhile relationships survive the blow, although many are never quite the same again.
Again, be sure and read the comments.
Perhaps, in the interest of those who will come after us, we should all look for ways to help others to find their inner Neocon--not by hitting them over the head with a 2x4, but by using appropropriately timed, reasonable, logical comments and conclusions about the events of the day. This is enormously difficult for me to do without getting really passionate about it--but as a trained mediator, I do believe it is worth the effort if we are to unite as a country and overcome those who would either murder us (or cause our murder by their blind, ideologically vacant, neglect). It is especially worth it to try and enlighten those who by their misunderstanding of reality would unwittingly enable those who would destroy this dream and way of life that is the United States of America. They are our friends. Friendship is important to us. But if we are all dead in some bio or nuclear attack, those friendships won't matter. Or if the world goes into worldwide depression if one of our cities goes up and the markets crash. This is the goal of our enemies--and it is something we must not let those we care about forget. (See my recent link here to Victor Davis Hanson's essay about Americans being spoiled by our success thus far.)
Happy New Year -- both to those who see the light, and to those who hopefully will see it soon--before it is too late.
