The Discerning Texan

It's all true, I really do consider this "going to war" every night. I am nothing--less than nothing--compared to those young people laying their very lives on the line for us every day, but it is the least I can do.

I have no visions of grandiosity for myself. I do not have the time, talent, or resources of the so called "big names". And that's perfectly OK, because that isn't what drives me. I have a small group of daily readers and I am VERY thankful for them.

Every time I even think of folding my tent, I get this fear--a weird feeling in my stomach; and it is this: what if the next post is the one that actually helps the cause, that makes the difference between achieving an important objective and not achieving it?

This difference would not in my mind be due to my own "reach" or popularity, but simply because in that one instance the right person at the right time just happened to see something I posted, and in so doing it somehow unknowingly sets off a chain of events that would not have occurred otherwise. And so every time I decide to keep at this, it is this fear of the "accidental assist" that is a big player--not because I somehow think I could ever be walking around with the fame of a Michelle Malkin or Glenn Reynolds, with flashbulbs popping; that isn't it at all.. rather I envision that it would be synchronicity--chance--which might get an anonymous snowball rolling that really DOES make a difference in this war for the soul of America--whether I know about it in retrospect is mere "icing", but the "cake" is the hope that at some time in the future, because of some thing I may have done or said at a particular moment of time, it starts the snowball rolling. Even if I never know what impact I might have had on this "avalanche" is not as important as having done something good. Even if I never know.

Its just faith, really. Faith that if I keep at it, someday, somewhere, it will help to change something. Maybe it will be something as simple as comforting someone in grief or providing clarity for someone who is feeling confused or on the fence... Or maybe it is introducing that little glimmer of doubt where doubt is appropriate--and someday that doubt becomes action, and that action makes a difference in lives or in the goal or restoring the America I grew up in. That is long winded, but it is the essence of what keeps me going. Fame or oblivion is really not in my hands so I don't worry about it. I try to improve the product, I take more care than I used to take writing. But in the end it is this intuition that I will somehow make a difference at some point if I do keep at it, even if I never fully understand the scope of that contribution. So be it.

Anyway I get out here whatever I can--whenever I have the time and energy. And if while I am here something I do can start a "ripple effect" that makes a difference, it is less important that I know about it--it is only important that I did not give it give up before it happend, which will inadvertantly undo the good which otherwise will have been done as a result of my sticking with it. It is the "fear" of not being there at the proper time which keeps me going. The rest is all gravy.

Who knows, I may even venture out and go to the blog expo in Vegas next year. But not because I am necessarily interested in anyone meeting me--rather it would be because I like the idea of hanging out a few days with the Hamiltons, Adams, and Franklins of my time; with people who really do and will have a profound impact on the world and on winning this war in the years to come. Because that is where my "bliss" lies, to paraphrase Joseph Campbell. And besides, maybe something they say or do will rub off on me and I can improve my "soldiering" as well.

Convoluted? Yes. But it keeps me going. And your letters of encouragement do as well. So thank you. As long as I can I will keep plugging away for that "just in case", I will. That, plus a little faith that it will all ultimately work out for the best... And if things get worse, at least I will have the comfort level that it was not because I dropped the ball.

So it's onward and upward. It is the least I can do for the Greatest Country on Earth, which has done so much for me.