The Discerning Texan
-- Edmund Burke
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Shocking Enquirer Details! The Scandal! (the Desperation!)
The National Enquirer has released some shocking new allegations about the Palin Family.They are desperate...
According to the Enquirer, and contrary to the "one big happy family" presented to the American public, Bristol Palin and Levi Johnson actually “broke up a few times" during their young romance. Not once. Not twice. A FEW times. Along the way, "they definitely messed around with other people,” according to sources. The "messing around" was apparently more than just a trip or two to the local sock hop, folks. Turns out more than one local boy claims to have "made out" with Bristol, which some surmise may have included HUGGING, HOLDING HANDS and KISSING. There have even been some allegations of DRY-HUMPING.
Bristol was also seen drinking alcohol, and may have smoked marijuana.
According to the Enquirer, Bristol is not the only "wild child" in the family. Track Palin has, like his brazen hussy of a sister, been seen drinking alcohol and was once implicated in a local vandalism incident. Wow.
The Enquirer alleges that Track Palin got himself addicted to pain-killers in high school. There are also allegations of addiction to cocaine and marijuana use. Man, who does this Track kid think he is? George W. Bush? Barack H. Obama? WTF?
That stuff is all pretty bad, but the scandal doesn't stop with the family. There is also a new scandal involving Sarah Palin herself. The Enquirer has learned that Sarah Palin was actually ANGRY when she found out her 17-year-old daughter Bristol was pregnant. Can you believe that? What kind of a mother would be ANGRY to find out that her 17-year old daughter had gotten knocked up by her boyfriend? My goodness...